3 things I wish I knew as a first time mum.

I’ve been thinking recently of how different my experiences were in the postnatal stage first time round compared to second time. I trusted myself SO much more as a mum second time round and that one change made such a difference. We also have more knowledge and understanding of the feelings, emotions and challenges that come with the fourth trimester and beyond which is a huge help second time.

But if I could go back and tell my new-mum self these 3 things it would be:

Spend more time thinking about recovery from birth than the actual birth itself!

Like most first time mums, I became a little obsessed with labour and birth (and a little too attached to the idea of no pain relief). But I wish I would have spent more time considering how I would recover after birth: what support I needed, what I was happy doing or would need help with, what boundaries I would like to set, what I could prepare in pregnancy to help me after birth, what others could do to help. But unlike a birth plan, no one really mentioned a postnatal plan to me. And so second time round I thought about this a lot more and found my recovery to be a much more content experience. So write yourself a postnatal plan as well as a birth plan!

What matresence is.

I wish all mums knew what matresence is. I will do a longer blog on matresence very soon as I get asked about it a lot, but matresence is the changes we go through in becoming a mother. Similar to adolescence, the mum goes through a whole range of changes from physical, emotional, psychological and socially, too. It’s a real transitionary period and it takes time to adjust. I WISH I knew what it was first time round as it would have reassured me that the confusion, the mood swings, the sense of losing who I am and so many other changes were completely normal and I would work through it and figure it out. I think if more mums knew what matresence was we’d have less worried and anxious parents.  

“Trust that you’re doing your best and that is absolutely enough”

You don't need to know it all on day one.

Trust that you and your baby will figure everything out together along the way. Each baby will be different, they’ll have different needs, different challenges and some aspects that will be so much easier for you than for others too. We are all doing it our way and hopefully are making the decisions that feel best for us. Trust that you’re doing your best and that is absolutely enough. And when it comes to having a second, you’ll think you’ve forgotten most of it until they arrive and then you’ll figure it all out again, and probably need to learn everything all over again ha!

You’ll be amazed when you look back in a few months and see all that you have figured out and worked through together.

I’m sure with each child that trust and understanding grows, but these are three things I wish I would have known, and hope you can take on board if you’re a first time mum to support you in your pregnancy and postnatal journey.

Jen xx