Why Not Getting the Birth You Wanted Is Not Your Fault
There’s a moment after birth—sometimes days later, sometimes months—when the feelings start to rise.
“I did everything right. Why didn’t it go to plan?”
“Did I not prepare enough?”
“What did I do wrong?”
If you’ve had these thoughts, I want you to pause. Breathe. And know this: you didn’t do anything wrong.
As a pregnancy yoga teacher, I’ve walked alongside so many women who’ve beautifully prepared for their birth. They’ve moved their body regularly, practiced their breathwork, learned about active birth, written mindful birth plans, journaled, affirmed, visualised. They’ve done all the things. And still—birth didn’t unfold how they imagined.
This is not a failure.
This is not your fault.
Birth Is Not a Test You Can Pass or Fail
We live in a culture that loves control. We’re told that if we just do enough, learn enough, and stay calm enough, birth will unfold a certain way. And while preparation is deeply empowering (and something I believe in wholeheartedly), it’s not the whole picture.
Because birth also asks us to surrender.
And not just surrender to the process—but to the unknown. To the shifts. To the unexpected turns.
No one talks enough about that part.
There Are Two People in This Dance
One of the most forgotten truths in birth is that it’s not a solo experience. You’re not the only one doing the work. Your baby is on a journey too.
Sometimes their path changes everything.
Sometimes their position, or their heart rate, or their needs, mean the plan has to shift.
And when that happens—it’s not because you weren’t strong enough or calm enough or mindful enough.
It’s because birth is unpredictable. Because your baby needed something different in that moment.
You were still the anchor. You were still incredible.
Be Gentle With Your Heart
If your birth story holds pain, disappointment, confusion—or a lingering sense of loss for what could have been—please be kind to yourself.
You are allowed to grieve a birth that didn’t go to plan and still love your baby deeply.
You are allowed to feel proud of your strength and sad that it was so hard.
You are allowed to hold two truths at once.
And you are always, always deserving of compassion.
You Did Nothing Wrong
You prepared. You showed up. You loved fiercely. You made the decisions you needed to in the moment.
You are not broken.
You are not less than.
You are not to blame.
You are a mother who birthed in the way your baby needed to be born.
And that is powerful.
If you're processing a birth that didn’t go to plan, know that you’re not alone. Yoga, breath, and community can be healing companions as you gently reconnect to your body and your story. You’re always welcome inside Mums’ Yoga Club, where we hold space for all kinds of birth experiences.
